


vulnerable (a Joshler fan fic)

by titanic_poppy_9



Category: joshler - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Bottom Tyler, Bottom!Tyler, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Gay, Joshler fluff, M/M, Ongoing story, Pet Names, Rough Sex, Smut, Top Josh, Top!Josh, joshler smut, very gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-10-20 01:50:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10652463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/titanic_poppy_9/pseuds/titanic_poppy_9
Summary: short chapter of realistic Josh Dun and Tyler Joseph moments ; )





	1. ~ chapter 1 ~ | sleepless nights |

**Author's Note:**

> so, this probably isnt going to last very long. but ive enjoyed writing it so far ((::

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tyler woke josh up, and josh wasnt too happy about it..

I woke up laying my bed thinking about my existence. I turned to the red-haired, precious man next to me. I love watching him sleep. Its very rare I get to appreciate him without him getting embarrassed and walking away. I love him.

 

He mustve heard me shuffle around in the bed.

 

“babes, what are you doing up? Its 5 in the morning?” he groaned.

 

I turned back to him and smiled, realizing how lucky I was to be his.

 

“i couldn’t go back to sleep. don’t worry about me, go back to bed. I don’t want you being tired.”

 

He looked at me with his caring eyes. Why does he do this? I love him, he’s too good for me. I don’t deserve him.

 

“hey, Josh?” I said is a shaky voice.

 

“yes, Ty?”

 

“i love you.”

I always say it to him, but its usually when we are rushing or it never means a lot.

 

“where’d this come from? I love you too, Tyler.”

 

“i don’t know. All I do know is I don’t deserve you and I don’t think I say it enough. When I do say it, its never usually heartfelt. I just wanted to let you know im not sick of you.”

 

It was true. All of it was true. I turned my head from the ceiling to look at him.

He was zoned out and looking into the abis.

I was staring at him for a good 10 minutes, just admiring his face and all his perfect imperfections, until he finally noticed I was still awake and looking at him.

 

“Tyler, I know im not the best boyfriend, but im trying. And I do really love you. Im trying my hardest. I want to help you, id never ever leave you. I don’t plan it.”

 

He turned to me and kissed my head, followed by a few kisses on my chest here and there. He knows what I like, he’s found my sweet spots. And he teases me all the time.

 

He nibbled a bit on my ear and I made a quiet moan, sliding my hands down his sides, trying to get to hid boxers.

 

He pulled my hands away, stop kissing nd teasing me, and looked at me with a goofy yet serious smile.

 

“not right now little, daddy needs to get some sleep. If youre good later, ill make sure to reward you with what you want.”

 

I grunted, kissed his cheek, groped his enormous cock, and then turned around to try and get more sleep.

 

~~

 


	2. ~ chapter 2 ~ | worth |

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tyler is feel suicidal, again. he talks to josh about what he means to him.

I knew both of us werent sleeping. Josh turned me on, and once he does that, im restless and aim to get what I want. It was silent. I hate silence, Josh knows this. He was being silent to punish me for wanting him earlier.

Our alarm went off at 7, I was just glad I didn’t have to sit in the bed any longer.

I tried to get up so I could make both Josh and I morning coffee, but thats not what he had in mind.

As I rolled over to get out of bed, the fuzzy haired, dopey looking man pounced on top of me.

“where do you think youre going?” to most people, he would seem aggressive. But to me, I loved his demanding yet playful tone.

“i-I was going to make some coffee for both of us. Do you want one? I love you.”

”I thought you might have wanted something else. I told you if you were going to be a good little I would reward you. And you’ve been more than good.”

I looked up at him with hopeful eyes.

“oh, so now daddy is going to please me? I would like that, thank you.”

I was always a little bit bratty, but Josh lowkey loved it when I was.

“i hated lying in the bed for a whole hour just thinking of everything I was going to do to you when we got up. Now I have you all to myself, little. Tell daddy how much you want me” 

As he said that, a tent rose in my boxers. Fuck, was Josh hot right now. I loved when he talked to me like that.

I nervously obliged to him.  
“im glad youre mine, and no one elses.”

Josh giggled and bit his lip. He got off me and rolled to my side.  
I was disappointed. I was hoping to get something. But I didn’t even get a kiss.

“hey, Ty, go make some coffee. You’ll be happy when you get back. I promise.” Josh whispered, then giving me a peck on my cheek and a nibble on my earlobe.

I groaned and did what he said.

~

As I put the kettle on, I heard the shower turn on. Confused, I walked back upstairs, completely forgetting about what I was doing.

I walked into our bedroom, reading the note Josh left for me.  
‘be a good little and meet daddy in the shower.’

Josh wooed, and complimented me on how selfless I looked.  
“you always look so peaceful, Ty. No wonder I fell in love with you.”

I giggled, pushing his kind words to the side. His voice was so soft and gentle. He would never hurt me, at least not on purpose. (sIKE BITC YOU THOUGHT)

I sat on the side of the bathtub, next to the shower.  
“hey, Josh, who am I to you?” I asked, curious of his response.

“well, youre my boyfriend, soon to be husband.”

I choked a little. Hes never said that before. What does that mean. We’ve only been together for 6 months, is he taking this to fast?

“i-um, no. Like..” I stumbled upon my words, trying to take back the question I asked.

I mean, I love him. So much. More than anything. And I was glad he said what he did. Its just, I wasn’t expecting it. Im not even going to be around long enough for anything else..

“Tyler, I love you. Okay? I meant it. I didn’t mean to shock you, nor scare you. You asked what you are to me, and I answered. Im sorry.”

“i love you too. Im more than glad you said that. But what I meant was; who do you consider me as? And how much do I mean to you? I want to know my worth.”

Josh turned off the shower and stepped out to grab his towel.

“Tyler, youre worth everything to me. You’ve saved my life, I wouldnt be here without you. I love you so much, stop thinking unnecessary thoughts. Now, where are our coffees?”

~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i abruptly stopped this chapter because i was rushing to post i. it will be finished off next chapter.


	3. ~ chapter 3 ~ | how did i end up with you? |

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lol okay, so ive stopped with the whole dd/lg thing (technically dd/lb) because i just got bored of it. here's the next chapter. its a long one.
> 
> (also, this chapter does include suicidal and self harm references, so i am adding in an extra trigger warning for those who might be sensitive to this)

Josh woke up to me crying on the bathroom floor. I felt so bad. I was trying to be quiet.

 

“ty, what are you doing? Whats wrong? Did I upset you?”

 

I turned around and showed him my left wrist. In my other hand, I dropped the razor blade I was holding.

 

I started crying even more. I felt terrible that Josh had to see me like this.

 

“i-I-im so sorry I don’t know please go away I don’t want you to se-”

 

Josh knelt next to me, I turned away from him. I didn’t like him seeing me like this. Im sure he didn’t like it either.

 

“tyler, I love you. Do you need an ambulance? Are you still bleeding?” I was cut off by his kind words and warm hands on my shoulder.

 

At this point, there was blood all over the bathroom floor and Josh had gone to get me a cloth to wrap around my wrist. I was still crying, but I had calmed down a bit when I realised Josh loved me and he didn’t want me to leave.

 

“wh-what time is it?” I asked him in a very shaky voice.

 

“baby, its 2:47 in the morning. Its okay, im going to stay up with you. I need to know youre okay.”

 

I felt horrible. It’ll be my fault when he’s tired in the morning.

 

As Josh cleaned up the surrounding blood and making sure I was safe and alright, I was continuously apologizing to him.

 

“j-Josh, im so so sorry. I wish I had died and you wouldnt have to put up with me anymore.”

 

He lowered himself to my level and brushed his hands through his slightly washed-out red hair. He stared at me with his mocha-brown eyes (YES I WENT THERE) and I turned my head away in a very aggressive manner so he didn’t have to see me in the state I was in.

 

“i want you to tell me everything later. When youre ready, of course. But I want you to open up to me. Tell me your deepest, darkest secrets. Pour your whole heart out to me.”

 

I looked at him in a disgusted way. I was trying to make him feel bad, and I hated what I had put and am still putting him through.

 

“im going to go get a bandage. Go back to sleep.” i said in a very monotone voice as I turened around, stood up, and wiped away my tears.

 

“t-tyler. Come back. Im sorry.” Josh yelled behind me. “You don’t have to tell me anything. You can just sit there and cry as I hold you. Just come back to bed. I love you.”

 

I turned around as I was walking out the door.

 

“stop trying to fix me Josh. Im broken. You cant glue me back together.”

 

I was being so rude to him. And I knew I was. But when im in this state I cant help but be a cunt to not only myself, but Josh as well. I don’t always attempt suicide, but when I do, Ive never told Josh why or whats wrong with me.

I came back into the room as I was wrapping the bandage around my wrist to Josh sitting on the bed, looking very innocent. He was so cute, I love him. I need to explain everything to him. I need to tell him about he. He cares about me and loves me, I know it.

 

I don’t think he had realised that I had come back into the room until I had sat on the bed and laid in between in crossed legs.

 

“my family doesnt want anything to do with me. Ive been suicidal since I was 14. ive attempted so many times, and have also been very close to actually dying so many times. I was forced to be straight because my parents didn’t accept me for who I am. I was diagnosed with so so so many mental disorders at a very young age, and ive been jumping from therapist to therapist ever since I can remember. I have chosen to erase the first 7 years of my life, because that was when my father was around to abuse me.”

 

As I was talking, Josh looked at me.

 

“baby, you’ve never told me any of that before. Im so sorry.”

 

“well, you told me to tell you my heart and my feelings. Thats all I can really say.” I said as I was looking very glum.

 

He smiled at me, pleased that I finally told him something, anything, about me.

 

Josh leaned don to kiss my forehead and slowly caressed my hair.

 

“itll be alright baby, Ive got you. Ill never leave. I love you.”

 

I smiled back up to him and dozed off, still laying in his lap.

 

~~


	4. ~ chapter 3 ~ | Josh's trials |

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> josh takes tyler out for a day, so they can build trust and love. and so tyler can get over his biggest fears...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so like,, i dont know what happeed,, if i had already uploaded this or what. last night i posted it but going onto the website now, i see that i only have three chapters,,,? so if it has uploaded and not telling me, go the next chapter or whatever. ty

I woke up tucked under the blankets, to the smell of fruit, pancakes, and bacon. I leaned over to check the time.   
‘9:24’  
‘i never usually sleep in this long.’

Whenever I attempt, I usually forget the following day due to the pills I take beforehand.  
I glanced down at my wrist and ran my index finger over the perhaps too-tightly-wrapped bandage going up my wrist leading to my forearm.

‘fuck. That happened. Josh probably hates me for doing this to him.’

I usually tend to overthink and then react in a very negative way. So, knowing that, I got out of bed. As I was walking down the stairs, I came to face with Josh.

“hey, I was just coming up to get you. I made a big breakfast. Thought you might need some pampering considering what happened last night. Arent you cold?” Josh said in a very calm, collected, and caring voice.

I looked down at myself. Of course I was cold, I was in boxers and the house felt like it was -16 degrees.

“i-uh-um..”

I was lost for words. As I looked into his eyes, I was remembering how lucky was to have him.

“its okay baby, come up stairs. Ill help you get dressed.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled my up the stairs behind him. As we walked into our room, Josh went into our shared robe to grab out some trackpants and a jumper. I was feeling very weak, so I wanted him to help me put my clothes on.

He pecked my lips and carried me downstairs. He treats me too good.  
He sat across from me at the table, and I was delighted to see the massive platter he had prepared. He mustve been up making this for ages.

“hey, ty?” 

“y-yes Josh?”

“i love you. And today I want to take you out. You deserve it after.. uh.. ya kn-”

I cut him off. “yes, Josh, I know. And you don’t have to do that. I can tell youre tired. You were already up all night because of me. We can stay home and rest.”

I was so thankful and eccentric that he had offered to take me out. And of course I waned to go, but he was exhausted, and that was entirely my fault.

“tyler, it wasn’t a question. Nor was it an option. We are going out today whether you like it or not. We have to leave here at 10, so start getting ready in a minute.”

“where are we going?”

He smirked at me. “ive already chosen the first place, and youll find out what that is when we arrive. But start thinking about what else you want to do. Anything at all. Don’t hold back.”

I never usually take up Josh’s offers like this. But today, I was more than glad to go out with him. I was actually going to tell him where I wanted to go, and we would go. And Im not going to feel like im annoying him, or wasting his time.

I looked up from my plate and smiled at my weary-eyed, stylized, enervated, yet surprisingly outlandish, queer boyfriend. His presence has put me in a very chirpy mood.

“im.. gonna go get dressed now Jishwa. Ill be back down in a minute.” I leaned over to passionately kiss him and I felt his smile against my lip.

I walked away and he called behind me. “hey! Wait up! Ill come up and change now as well.”

I stopped walking up the stairs to turn around and wait for him. “I knew you werent going to let me walk away without you next to me.” I giggled and went to our room to change.

~

“hey, Josh. Does this look alright?” I turned around to see him smiling at me, looking very pleased.

“anything looks great on you, Tyler. Are you ready to go?”

I nodded my head and headed for the front door.

When we both got in the car and started to drive, I soon realised how long the drive was going to be. I could never express how much I do hate silence, it leaves me with my own thoughts and makes me feel trapped and uncomfortable.that why ive always needed a radio in the car.

As I leant over to turn on the radio, it came to find out Josh had taken it out.

“you need to come acustom to silence, Tyler. Get past your fear of being left alone with your own thoughts. Replace the negative thoughts and feelings about yourself with happy, uplifted ones.”

I was on the verge of a panic attack. But I wasn’t at a disco, so I calmed down a little. I was processing what he had said in my head. His words were repeating over and over in my head.

“that’s what today is about, Tyler. You building more trust and honesty with your own self and me, your boyfriend. Today I hope youll learn how to love yourself. Even if its just a little bit.”

I relaxed and slumped down in my seats. Josh would occasionally look over at me, but I would tell him to keep an eye on the road. I was starting to become conscious of the fact that, after all, being alone with my thoughts and having silence and serenity isnt too shabby.

~

Im gonna say the drive was about 1 1/2 hours. Josh made me leave my phone at home, and time feels forever when you cant tell it.

Josh pulled into the driveway of a small little cabin, there were no other cars parked out the front, which I found kind of strange.

“tyler, are you ready to face your biggest fear?”

I looked at him with a confused and curious face.

“Josh, what is this? I want to go home.”

“calm down. It will be really good for you. I promise. Remember, you get to choose wherever we go for the rest of the day. I payed a lot of money for this, please just be a little open minded about it.”

I turned to him and rolled my eyes.

“u g h . lets go in then.”

I unclipped my seatbelt to walk up to the cabin door. I was not expecting anything like what I was looking at..

~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i DID stop this one on kind of a cliffhanger,,,,? idk, it was getting really long so i just decided to post it.
> 
> kudos to my friendo for giving me the idea for this chapter, bless


	5. N/A - interruption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** this isnt part of the story lmao **

hi um, sorry abt this "chapter" lmao, i havent finished off the next part of the story. 

but pretty much what i want to say is, i dont know if i should keep up this story. i feel like people that have read it dont ACTUALLY enjoy it,,,? so like, if you do actuallylikethe story so far, let me know..

also, if you have requests for a chapter or just want to say something abt the story, my email is   
{ allyssaburke9@gmail.com }  
so like,,, feel free to email me or whatever..

the next chapter should be up sometime in the next couple of days, ive been kinda busy.

okay bai


	6. ~ chapter 5 ~ | trust issues, not to mention |

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so basically, josh wants tyler to trust him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** the littlest bit of smut towards the end **
> 
> SO, this is a about a week late, but its a kinda long chapter. i really enjoyed writing this one, for some reason.
> 
> also, the next chapter will be added once i get feedback on the questions i asked @ the end, ty x

… I walked through the doors of the cabin with a surprised look on my face. Josh was inventive thinking of taking me here.

“what is this, Josh?” I asked him in a stern voice, a voice I had not quite heard in a while.

“we, Tyler, are entrailing on a journey to the world of Sensory Deprivation tanks. Now you have no choice but to be in complete silence.” he said with a smug face.

I looked him with a sort of confused face. “w-what’s that?”

He slide a quick glance at me, but then continued to push in front of me to get into the cabin. We were greeted with a very lovely lady, who asked what our names were.

When Josh answered, she went to her reservation book and hummed. “oh yes, Josh and Tyler?”

We both nodded.

“yes yes, you guys have the 1 hour tank session. Would you both like to be put in the same tank, or different ones?”

I looked at Josh with a panicked face. “Josh, Josh, what is this?”

“its nothing to worry about. Sensory Deprivation is a very therapeutic thing. It distracts you from the outside world. Youre alone with your own thoughts and feelings. You could watch our video about it before you start?” the lady was very kind. Too kind that I couldn’t turn down this offer and go home.

~~

“that was, nice, Josh. Thank you.” I said as we were both making our way out of the cabin we were in.

“so you enjoyed it? Thats good to know. Where are we off to next, Tyler?”

I was thinking about this since we left the house. I wasn’t too sure on where I did actually want to go, I just didn’t want money to be involved.

“um, I havent really put much thought into it. Is there anywhere else you want to go, Josh?”

We both hopped in the car, him in the driver seat, and Josh turned to look at me.  
“Tyler, I told you today was YOUR day. Ive already taken you where I wanted, and it was up to you to make up the rest.”

I thought to myself for a minute.   
“i am kinda, um, hUngry? Can we go to a cafe or something? For lunch?”

Josh looked at me and nodded his head, then to return his eyes to the road. 

We pulled into the parking lot of TearInMyHeart, my all time favourite place to eat. We hadnt been here in a few years, or at least I hadnt come with him.  
“yo-you remembered? Oh Josh, I love you.” I had a wide smile as I got out of the car and walked up to the entrance of the cafe.

I loved the mood this cafe set. It was a mix between retro and Greek, but still keeping the vibe quite mellow.

We sat down and a waitress came to take our order. We both placed them and waited for our meals to come.

“why did you take me out today?” I said as I was stirring my coffee.

“i already told you, Tyler. So you can build more trust with me and know that I care about you.”

“hmm..” I was still looking down, understanding what he meant.

Josh and I were talking for ages. We talked through our whole meal, and I feel like we really got somewhere. I have built up so much more honesty with him and I feel like he knows me a lot better. Looking back on it now, it was kind of strange. We had known each other for 5 years, been going out for 3 of them, yet he still didn’t know much about me. Regardless for the fact I knew almost everything about him. But he’s always understood that im not one to chat about my emotions and life. I portray that through my songwriting.

~~

“where do you wanna go next, Tyler?”

I wondered for a minute while looking out the car window. Then I checked my watch.  
‘4:34’  
“i don’t know, I feel like its kinda late to do anything else, can we go home and relax or just start our dinner?”

 

He nodded and drove in the direction of the house.

“hey, Josh.”

“hey, Tyler.”

“thank you a lot for taking me out today. I really enjoyed it and I feel like I never really get to bond with you.” I said in a quiet voice, kind of embarrassed by letting him know this.

He chuckled and his cheeks went red.

“its alright, Tyler. I figured its the least I could do because of..” he trailed off, but he need say no more. I knew what Josh was talking about.

I looked down to my lap and was on the verge of tears. I couldn’t exactly figure out why, but im assuming its because Ive remembered what I had put Josh through last night.

~~

When we got home, I went upstairs to get changed. Putting on more comfortable, around-the-house clothes.

I had assumed Josh didn’t follow me up, but was getting a move on with dinner as it was almost 6 by the time we had gotten home.

But Id assumed wrong.

As I had taken my shirt off, Josh walked in and looked me up and down a couple of times.  
“fuck, Tyler. Youre so hot im going to melt.” he looked me in the eyes and smirked.

I looked down, being very flushed. “well then, I guess youre lucky to have me.” I giggled and walked over to him, still shirtless.

Josh bit his lip and threw me on the bed.  
“i really am.”

I was lying shirtless on the bed, and Josh kissed my neck, following my chest. He kissed all the way down to my protudent v-line, and saw the tent in my pants. I blushed and looked away, embarrassed.

He slowly pulled down my pants and I, surprisingly, didn’t resist.

“j-Josh. What are you doing?”

He giggle and pulled my pants all the way down to my ankles, revealing my huge boner.

“he-ha. Um, sorry, um, about that, Josh. I-uh-”  
He stopped me when he started to pull down my boxers. I knew this wasn’t the right time to do anything, dinner was cooking. 

“hey! Josh!” I yelled at him sternly.

He looked up at me, seeming alarmed. “what now, Tyler?”

“th-this isnt the right time. I don’t feel comfortable. Can we just do this later?” I basically pleaded.

“okay, sure. But you better be ready, I don’t want to have to wait and not get much out of you.” he winked and jumped off of me, walking back down the stairs. Leaving me to get clothed myself.

Once I was ready, I followed Josh downstairs. Dinner smelt amazing. We didn’t have much as I wasn’t very hungry from lunch. But it was tacos. Josh makes them the best.

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** PLEASE READ I RLLY NEED YOUR GUY'S ADVICE AND OPINIONS ***   
> _  
> _  
> i really really want to have a chapter for smut, because personally, i only basically enjoy ff's w/ smut in it. but i feel like i would actually get judged or some shit. so pretty much, i need to know if you's would prefer smut in it, because i just need the confidence to write it, as i feel uncomfortable when i do so i erase all of my work. and, do you guys even really actually care if i include smut or not?  
> -  
> -  
> so the questions im asking are;  
> ~ would i be judged if i include smut?  
> ~ should i even include it?  
> ~ would you's like me to?


	7. A/N

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ** not a chapter , just an update (: **

HEY HI  
im sorry ive been so inactive on this story . im working on a rlly gr8 chapter ifyaknowhatimean (((( ;;;;;;;;; . ive recently uploaded a phan smut so go check that out . im hoping for the next chapter to be up sometime this week , or even today . im really enjoying writing it , ive just been sososo busy w school and such . i recently went to a concert also , and that has taken a massive toll on me emotionally . but i do promise the wait will be 100%+ worth it . in the meantime , remember kiddies . dont cry , CRAFT !!

~~~~ ya'll favourite writer , allyssa ((:::


	8. ~ chapter 6 ~ are you ready?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> N/A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt put a chapter summary bc i want it to be a surprise. 
> 
> its LONG , so i havent read over it . this was written over the course of a month , so some parts might not relate to the rest , bbut be glad i finally uploaded.

We finished dinner and Josh took our plates to clean them.

“dinner was really nice, Josh. Thanks.”

“no problem, Ty.”

He finished what he was doing and grabbed my hand to take me back upstairs. Josh pulled me close to him and kissed me. I giggled and pushed away from him.

“i… I need to shower Josh.” I said sternly, standing across from him still holding his hands.

He sighed and let go of me, allowing me to get undressed to have a shower.

“can I have you after the shower then?” josh asked in a whiny voice.

“maybe, baby.” I giggled and headed for the bathroom.

~

After being in the shower for about 10 minutes, I heard the door open.

“josh?” I yelled out, hoping for a reply.

“ive been waiting too long baby. Can we do something now?” 

I gave in and invited him int the shower with me.

I got on my knees and started sucking on the tip of his hard dick. I looked up at him every so often through my eyelashes to see his head tilted back, him moaning.

As I got further down his shaft, Josh grabbed my hair and started pushing my head down futher. Id deep-throated him before, but I was never really good at it. I felt droplets of precum on the tip of my tongue as I pulled away from his length.

I pulled myself up and kissed my man furiously, making sure he could taste himself on my lips and tongue.

“baby, lets get out of the shower now. Yeah?”

I nodded submissively with a smirk planted across my face and we stepped out together and dried ourselves off thoroughly. Josh grabbed my hand and pushed me on to the bed softy, keeping in mind that im still fragile from the other day. 

He lent over me, his knees on either side of my thigh and his face above mine, his elbows supporting him up. Josh trailed kisses from my forehead all the way down, stopping at my clavicle. “you tell me if this gets too much for you and ill stop. Okay?” I felt his words leave my breath and bounce off my skin, like the wind on a cold Autumn day. 

I nodded and grabbed his shoulders. He was warm, kind of like Summer, but still slightly cold. I would have described his skin as Fall. I shivered as he kissed further down, he pecked my wrist, where the bandage still was.

I was probably still a little stretched out from last night, but Josh wanted to stretch me out again just so he wouldnt hurt me. 

He stretched his arm out to the side to grab the bottle of lube in the drawer and I let out a heavy sigh of pleasure and relief of Josh’s weight off me. 

He lubed up his fingers and I let out a small squeal of excitement as my boy positioned his arm so I would be comfortable when he was inserting his fingers.

“you ready, baby?” he asked in a soft, calming tone. I nodded, slowly feeling the pressure of his digits entering me. I gasped, followed by a sigh and feeling my eyes roll to the back of my head.

I hadnt felt this in a while. I hadnt felt josh’s warmth in me in so long. I wanted him so badly, we were the most close when we were like this. 

He started pumping on finger slowly, followed by the second, then the third. His pumps getting faster and more vigorous with every finger. I moaned and twisted my fingers into the mattress, slightly crinkling the aesthetic look of the not-so-perfect white bedsheets.

I felt beads of precum drip down my cock and josh licked it off. He pulled his fingers out slowly and pushed back in a couple of times before kneeling over me again. 

“im gonna fuck you now. Hard.” josh said seriously with a stern face. My voice staggered, and I struggled to not come right there. 

I swallowed all my pride and replied with, “what if I don’t want you to?”. I usually get punished if I talked back to Joshy in this situation, but all he did was giggle slightly, pull away and pop the lube bottle open.

I looked down at his dick, his hand holding it as he lubed it up. He leaned back over me and kissed me, suddenly pushing his whole self in me with one big thrust. I pulled away from the kiss and gasped for air. I looked at his chest and rubbed my hand in small circles on it. His chest hair balling up a little.

As I was doing that, I realised our foreheads were touching. Josh was caressing my cheek with his clean hand. I looked into his eyes and giggled a little. This is right where I wanted to be right now. I couldn’t have it better.

Josh looked back at me and leaned back into the kiss, a little more rough than I was expecting. He flipped me over, now I was resting on my hands and knees. I felt cold pressure against my hole, and gasped, being excited it was finally happening.

He pushed in me, slowly at first, then pausing for a moment, allowing me to get comfortable to the feeling of his dick inside me. I wiggled and nodded, signing that it was good for him to keep moving. He was really slow at first, and I whined at the little pleasure I was getting from it. But all of a sudden, Josh pushed all of himself into me and I whinced at the new feeling.

I buried my head into the mattress, my fingers curling in the bedsheets. Josh was going rough, slapping my ass a few times and making deep groans. I liked it rough, I always have. He pulled his clean hand around me, finding my cock eventually. He pumped a few times and that was enough to get me off completely.

“gonna co- ah fuck - come” I tried to get out, right before releasing myself all into josh’s hand. After a few more thrusts, I felt him come inside me, pulling out and getting a bit on my lower back. He got so turned on when I was dirty like this, so he pulled me around without allowing me to clean up first.

He pulled my arm up hard, pulling me into a very rough kiss. My lip split against my teeth, and I could taste the blood. Josh could too because he pulled away and asked if I was good. At this point, I was still panting.  
“im amazing.” I said, through heavy breaths.

Josh got up and turned the shower on, waiting for me to follow him. I ran to the bathroom, not knowing he was ready for round two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> S M U T !!! yes , i finally included smut . after writing the phan smut , ive grown a lot more comfortable to it , realising that people probably wont judge me for it . 
> 
> let me know what you think ! im pretty proud of it.
> 
> also , i dont know how much longer im going to continue this story . im getting relatively bored of it and want to write a different joshler one . i feel like i could do better , as this was my first ever ff i wrote .


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